Quixoting™ - A Quest for New Ideas

Searchin' the world for . . .

A while back I told you about one of my "younger in life" fantasies.  You can read that post here.  It was to sing, play guitar and write music.  Whether I was good at it didn't matter much because it was solely a creative outlet for me.

Did you read my last post titled "Creativity takes courage"?  In that post I suggested that the quote from Henri Matisse was incomplete.  I said it takes courage "when shared".  Creative work unshared may deliver great therapy but it is not a symbol of courage.

I bought my guitar after college and was living in Manhattan Beach with two college buddies.  I was courageous.  I shared.  And I was soundly laughed out of the house for doing so.

But I didn't care.  

We always gave each other grief about everything anyway.  One of my roommates modeled in a Mervyn's catalog (or so he once bragged) when he was a kid and we never let him forget that.  So, I guess I deserved the ribbing.

But I never let the ribbing stop my sharing - in fact, I forced them to listen to my songs.  After all, I was proud of them.  Even if the chords were embarrassingly simple.

So I wrote these song lyrics in 1992.  I wish I could explain what prompted the searching exactly, but I will tell you it all happened just before I met my wife.  I guess you could say I was searching for a mate, a purpose, a belief system . . . well, I guess everything.

Sources

(V1)

Searchin' the world for

Sources of information

Trying to find an answer

We can believe

The hopes of, the dreams of,

The fears of this life

Who am I, where are we

Questions, questions

(V2)

Searchin' the world for

Sources of affiliation

Where to find comfort

A warm bed, a free heart

(Where) they'll understand you

Teach you and reach you

Your with us, don't be scared

Welcome, welcome

Search for me

Search for me

Search for me

Set me free

(V3)

Searchin' the world for

Sources of fascination

Looking outside ourselves

To raise up from within

Blonde musicians in strange positions

Or heros on a screen

Party goers and ball throwers

Wishful, wishful

(V4)

Searchin' the world for

Sources of compensation

We rob each other, step on our brother

With no end in sight

Working hard, feeling scarred

From a life we have chosen

Slow it down, can we slow it down

Oh careful ,careful

Search for me

Search for me

Search for me

Set me free

(V5)

Searchin' the world for 

Sources of rejuvenation

After all the pills, the doctor bills

Our lives remain unchanged

Looking for a holy core

A life of solutions

He waits up there, says don't you dare

Oh hopeful, hopeful

. . . .

Searchin' the world for 

sources of information, affiliation,

fascination, compensation, rejuvenation

They provide the fuel that drives the tool

we use to create life

You might agree we're never free

from a day of illusion. 

So as I finished re-writing the lyrics (tonight, just now), I felt a new reluctance.  A reluctance to share. That feeling that often prevents the sharing of things that were personal when originally created.  

For me, though, the first half of the therapy is the creating.  The second half of the creative therapy is in the sharing.  Even if the posting of the lyrics here acts only to release them into a huge open space where they may never be seen again.  It is still honoring your ideas by giving them a stage - even if a very small one.

I think I'll call it "Message In A Bottle Therapy".

So, hey, if you get this on the other side of the world . . . open it up and read it.  Put it to your own music if you like.

Then send me a note back.  Or an MP3.

My expanding view of Quixoting™

So in a recent post I told you that I have these life fantasies.  One of them I already told you about was my fantasy of being able to draw.  Another thing I always wanted to do was to write songs, play the guitar and serenade girls.  Well, I did that but the fantasy usually involves me being good.  And that I haven't been able to do.

Fantasies are nice in that they give you a hope and a possibility that maybe you really do have a special talent.  Something that makes people stop on the street and stare, mouth open in awe.  I've often wondered whether these fantasies are healthy and hopeful things or impediments to really living - right- this - minute.

OK, so in the spirit of Quixoting, we are supposed to share our work with others (that's you).

Here goes.  Right after college (1990 or so), I was living with a couple of my fraternity brothers in Manhattan Beach, CA.  We had a place on the main drag heading down to the shore.  Good times, right?  Well, I was not always the life of the party then as I was trying to figure out life on a few levels.  Part of that included a Birkenstocks phase, a poetry phase and a guitar phase (feel free to create your own larger category).  I guess you could say I was expressing.  Very painful for my buddies to watch, I'm sure.

I had never played the guitar much before but I did take a class at San Diego State.  I could strum a mean Puff the Magic Dragon.  Anyway, I wrote six songs including lyrics and some very rough strumming chords.  I recorded them on a lousy boom box and still have the tape.  Someday I will memorialize them digitally. Instead of boring you with the voice or the poor strumming, I'll share the lyrics of a few songs over the coming weeks and months.

But before I do, let me say a few words about my expanding view of Quixoting.  I've said that Quixoting is about ideas (new and old) as well as the inspiration to act on them.  It is about sharing them or launching them.  Well there are many categories of ideas that can feel the shade of this blog's umbrella.  Over the coming months, I will look to share a wider variety of my creative output.  Some recent and some dating back to my teens.  Why, you ask?  Simply, to thank myself for coming up with them.  After years of disparaging them and leaving them to languish in a dark corner, they will now see the light of day.  You just may need to cover your eyes as I cannot promise their ability to stun you with pride.  Longer term, I would like to create a platform where others can do the same.  Interested?

Here's the song.

In the World

(V1)

i watch the world

that's watchin' me

who's the teacher 

teachin' me?

i play the game

with regret

knowin' that

i'll soon forget

someday I'll know

and clearly see

the doors were never

closed to me

explore my eyes

they cast a doubt

what the hell

am I worried about?

i am free

to believe

walk with me

but don't deceive

(V2)

i see the sky

turnin' red

all the clouds

surround my head

when darkness comes

crawlin' down

all my feelin's

tumble round

the pleasing sounds

of ocean walls

don't forgive

my heart that crawls

but in my mind

a quiet voice

tells me that

i've got a choice

i am free

to believe

walk with me

but don't deceive

i watch the world

that's watchin' me

who's the teacher

teachin' me?

Now if the song seems dark, it really isn't (or at least I wasn't feeling that way).  But i was questioning a lot at the time.  

Of course, all of this is copyrighted work by me (because saying so fulfills part of the fantasy that others may see my work and alert a number of struggling songwriters).

So, there you have it.  The official unleashing of a song-writing juggernaut.  Let me know if you want the chords so you can hum it during your commute to work this week.