A man and his dog

My dog Casey likes to walk on the sun-side of the path.  As we depart our wet, sandy beach he shifts to the the right to catch every possible inch of brightness.  I'm not sure he really cares about the warmth. After all he's a dog with lots of fat and fur (more than I have).  I shift along with him.  I dropped a piece of jellied toast on him this morning.  He tried to grab it from me. And he wants to reach for its sweet taste as we walk along and up a gentle hill.  Funny, he can lick so many strange places, but is unable to reach this one spot to get the jelly.  Grape jelly.

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I wrote that in a journal back in 1996.  Casey was 6 months old at the time.  As I write this post, Casey is on his bed up in our master bedroom.  Up near where I write.  

I've been thinking a lot about him lately. He is 12, almost 13 and is beginning to feel his body slowly break down.  So tonight, the focus is on my dog.  I grabbed a Pacifico from the garage refrigerator, helped him up the stairs and was reminded of the reference in my old journal.  Reminded of the last 12 years of life. 

If you are worried that a "Marley Moment" is on the way, well cover your eyes.  No promises.

Casey is not in any pain.  At least not according to the vet.  But he is not the puppy he was even a few short years ago.  The puppy whose eyes lit up like fireworks when the opportunity to run, chase or wrestle came available.  

So in addition to the journal entry from '96 I wanted to write something short to help me remember a few times in his life and, by default, this time in mine.  Because things happen so much quicker in a dog's life. Aging from 8 weeks to 8 months as well as the aging process near the end of a dog's life.

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I could have been a better friend.  More balls thrown.  More walks.  More moments rolling on the floor playing keep-away.  Unintended scratches on the arms and chest as evidence of a job well done.  This little puppy who slept - wedged in between the car door and the passenger seat of the rental car - the whole way to the airport.  Born in Carnation, Washington.  Poor little guy barked so loud we could hear him in the cargo hold as the plane began its jerky movements on the tarmac.  We took pictures of his mom and dad.  Lost the camera.  

Our dogs have a hold on us that is hard to explain.  Their fully stimulated posture and jerky tail wagging.  So violent as their entire body has to support the obvious pleasure at your arrival. Even on my worst days, I was forgivable, lovable and bearable.  To him.

I feel guilt, fear and a slight hesitation as I approach him today.  Wondering how his wobbly legs really feel vs. the feelings I project upon him.  On a very short walk a few weeks ago, his back legs simply collapsed.  And he looked up at me from the ground as if to say:  "See!"  Like I was trying to toughen him up.  Not breathing hard, not whimpering or crying.  Just unable.

He still wants to play though.  You can see it in the eyes.  Through the haze there are small little bright spots.  The edges of what used to be huge bursts of fire.  Reflections of his memories. Memories of those days when his body unleashed horizontal rocket departures.  From my bare feet to a point some 100 feet away where a wet green tennis ball bounded along.  Waiting for the clamping of canine teeth.  Snatching victory.  Preparing for a rubber-band return back to me.  To drop the wet ball on my warm toes.

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As I look down at him now through the amber colored Pacifico bottle.  I see the sharp-eyed puppy of 10 years ago.  As he catches my glance, his eyes open wide.  His chin lifts off the bed and I'm sure he's wondering whether it's time to go.  Play.

Comments

[Lani Merlina]

Great memories. I've been going back and forth about getting another dog. We had a wonderful dog named Chug who passed last summer. I miss him. Dogs add so much to our lives. Thanks for the inspiration, I'm gonna motivate to prep for a new dog.

[Tim Tyrell-Smith]

I took my daughter to the pet store yesterday and we asked to play with three different puppies. What a cool thing it is to have those little guys/gals jumping all over you! Yes, it is a perfect time for a new dog.